This Isn't About Shrinking Yourself

I used to feel a bit selfish for wanting to lose weight. Like it was vanity, something a mum of two should not be spending headspace on. And then, when the diets did not work, I felt guilty about that too. Selfish for wanting it, useless for not managing it. Round and round.

Neither of those feelings got me anywhere. What finally moved things was not a harder plan. It was a different reason.

This was never about being smaller

At some point I stopped and asked myself why I actually wanted this. And the honest answer had nothing to do with the number. I wanted to run around after my kids without getting out of breath. I wanted to walk up the hill in the forest first thing without stopping. I wanted energy in the afternoon instead of the 4pm slump. I wanted to be here, properly here, for a very long time.

None of that is about shrinking. It is about being able to live my life. Once I framed it that way, the whole thing stopped feeling like punishment and started feeling like care.

Punishment never works

Here is what I have noticed, in myself and in the hundreds of women I have spoken to. Health chased through self-punishment does not stick. Tiny portions, hunger, rules, guilt, "being good" and "being bad." It runs on a fuel that poisons you, and the moment you are tired or sad or busy, it collapses, and then you have the collapse to feel bad about as well.

Health built from self-respect does stick. Feeding yourself big, satisfying plates because you deserve to be full. Cooking food you love because you are worth the effort. Going for a walk because it feels good, not to earn dinner. That version does not need you to be perfect. It just needs you to keep showing up for yourself.

What self-respect looks like on a plate

It is not a salad. Let me be clear about that. Self-respect on a plate is a huge bowl of soup with a jacket potato and a pile of beans. It is blended oats in a wine glass because you fancied feeling a bit special on a Tuesday. It is a cheeky bit of chocolate pudding made of cannellini beans after dinner because you like pudding and you are allowed pudding.

It is eating when you are hungry, every time, without a single thought about whether you have earned it. Hunger is information, not a test.

Talk to yourself like you would talk to me

If I messaged you saying I had a rough day and ate a load of stuff and felt rubbish, what would you say? You would not say, well, you have ruined it now. You would say, oh lovely, that sounds like a hard day, what do you need? Have something nourishing and go to bed.

Say that to yourself. Out loud if you have to. The kind voice is not soft. The kind voice is the one that keeps you in the game long enough to get where you are going.

An honest body chat

I am going to be honest, because I always try to be. There are still days I look in the mirror and pick myself apart. Sixty-six pounds down, running, lifting, eating beautifully, and the old voice still pipes up. The difference now is that I do not let it decide what I eat. I hear it, I feed myself properly anyway, and it gets quieter every year.

Watch: I had one of those honest body chats on camera, alongside a day of eating huge portions, in Eating huge portions to get lean, plus an honest body chat.

You do not have to earn food, lovely. You do not have to shrink. You just have to look after yourself like you matter. Because you do.

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Topics

• self worth weight loss
• healthy relationship with food
• weight loss without punishment
• body image and weight loss
• anti diet weight loss
• self compassion weight loss
• why do I want to lose weight
• food freedom
• mindset for weight loss
• Broccoli Mum